Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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