Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
