You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
