we have pet lesbian snakes
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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