Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
