In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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