My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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