Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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