I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
