I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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