I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
