Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
