I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
