ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
