You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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