why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
