I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
