I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
