How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
