I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
