Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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