did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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