and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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