Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
