This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
my poor anus
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
