Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
