I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
