This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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