sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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