I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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