someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
