if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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