so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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