No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
