On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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