I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
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I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
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Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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