Are we in a gay sports bar?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Woke up backwards on a recliner
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
