oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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