u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
They took my balls.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
