I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
