guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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