just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
