We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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