If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
home. puking in laundry basket.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize