My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
