at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
