Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
