Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
