Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
