I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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