If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
