Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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