Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
