My liver just broke up with me...
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
kristin has been a bad kristin
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
