I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
