i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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