Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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