I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
