i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
