let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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