the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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