That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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