the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
