So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
