Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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