You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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