I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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