Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
