I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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