And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
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Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
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Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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