i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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