Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
